If you’ve ever found yourself avoiding a social event, overthinking a conversation, or feeling your heart race at the thought of speaking in public—you're not alone. Social anxiety is real, and it affects millions of people. It’s something that can be tough to talk about, especially when it feels like everyone else has their confidence nailed down while you’re just trying to survive the next social interaction.
But here’s the good news: you can manage social anxiety, and understanding what it is and why it happens is the first step in feeling more in control. Let’s dive into what social anxiety really is, how it happens in your brain and body, how to spot it, and what you can do about it.
What is Social Anxiety?
Social anxiety is more than just shyness. It’s an intense fear of being judged, embarrassed, or rejected in social situations. This could be anything from speaking in front of a group, attending a party, or even just making small talk with someone you don’t know very well. The fear isn’t always rational—it's the brain’s way of overestimating the threat of social situations. The kicker? It’s not something you can just snap out of. Social anxiety is a real, psychological condition, and it can deeply affect how we interact with the world and other people.
The Science Behind Social Anxiety
So why does it feel like our brain turns a small social encounter into a major life event? A big part of it has to do with the way our brain processes fear.
The amygdala, the part of your brain responsible for handling fear and emotions, is more active in people with social anxiety. Research shows that for people with social anxiety, the amygdala responds to social situations like they’re life-or-death scenarios, even though they’re not. This leads to physical symptoms, such as sweating, trembling, or even feeling dizzy—anything your body does when it’s in "fight or flight" mode.
But here’s the thing: the amygdala’s overreaction can lead to a cycle. The more anxious we get, the more we avoid social situations, which makes the anxiety worse in the long run. Avoidance might feel good in the short term, but it actually reinforces the fear.
How to Recognize Social Anxiety in Yourself
Recognising social anxiety in yourself is the first step toward managing it. Here are some common signs to look for:
Physical Symptoms:Your heart races, you sweat, your hands shake, or you feel dizzy. Your body is going into “fight or flight” mode as a response to perceived danger— even if the situation isn't actually dangerous.
Mental Thoughts:Thoughts like “What if I mess up?”, “Everyone is judging me,” or “I’m going to embarrass myself” are common. These thoughts tend to be unrealistic and focus on worst-case scenarios.
Avoidance:You might avoid social events or try to “escape” situations by faking an illness or just making up excuses. This might seem like a good short-term solution, but it actually makes the anxiety grow stronger over time.
Safety Behaviors:These are actions you take to avoid feeling anxious, like looking at your phone to distract yourself, standing in the back of the room, or even avoiding eye contact. While these might help you feel better in the moment, they don’t help you face the anxiety head-on.
What You Can Do to Manage Social Anxiety
Now that we understand what social anxiety is and how it works, the next step is figuring out how to manage it. The good news is that there are plenty of tools and strategies you can use to cope. Here are three simple, evidence-based activities to get started:
Challenge Your Thoughts: One of the best ways to manage social anxiety is by using Cognitive Restructuring, a technique from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). When you start having negative, anxious thoughts like “Everyone will think I’m awkward,” ask yourself: “What evidence do I have for or against this thought?” Often, you’ll find these fears are exaggerated. Then, replace those thoughts with more realistic ones. For example, “Not everyone is judging me. I’ve had good conversations before, and I can handle this.” This simple shift can help calm your mind and reduce anxiety over time.
Practice Mindful Breathing: The physical symptoms of social anxiety—like a racing heart or sweaty palms—can be triggered by the brain’s "fight or flight" response. To counteract this, try mindful breathing, a technique proven to calm the nervous system. Find a quiet spot, sit comfortably, and take deep breaths: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4, and exhale for 6. Repeat this cycle 5-10 times. Focus on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body. This simple exercise helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which promotes relaxation and reduces physical anxiety symptoms.
Gradual Exposure: Avoiding social situations only reinforces your anxiety. Instead, try gradual exposure, where you start small and slowly build up your tolerance to anxiety-provoking situations. Make a list of social situations that trigger your anxiety, from easiest to most difficult (for example, talking to a friend vs. speaking in front of a group). Start with the least anxiety-inducing situation and gradually move up as you gain confidence. Research shows that gradual exposure helps reduce anxiety over time and makes social situations feel less threatening.
Social anxiety isn’t something you can just "get over" overnight, but by understanding how it works in your brain and body, recognising the signs, and using these evidence-based strategies, you can start to feel more comfortable in social situations. It’s all about taking small, manageable steps to challenge those anxious thoughts, calm your body, and face your fears.
Remember, you’re not alone in this, and every small step you take is progress. If social anxiety is holding you back and you'd like some extra support, I’m here to help as a mental health coach and hypnotherapist. Together, we can work on building the confidence and tools you need to thrive in social settings.
You’ve got this—one step at a time.
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